6.03 - The UnGraduate

Dialoghi trascritti da TWIZ TV.COM

LORELAI'S HOUSE - OUTSIDE
[TJ is walking around giving orders. Lorelai and Luke stand near the stairs and watch the action.]

TJ: All right, Norman, I'm going to need you to find me some cripple studs for that bearing wall we're putting in, 'cause once that sucker's vertical we've got to be ready to nail in those joists.

[TJ walks away. Norman looks at Tom, confused. Tom rushes over.]

TOM: Just keep doing what you're doing, there, and then bring these tools up to Chick.

TJ [moved on]: So, Steve. Later today we're going to need to dig a footing drain all around the perimeter, about five feet deep. That ought to keep the basement dry. [He walks away. Tom hurries in.]

STEVE: This house doesn't have a basement.

TOM: No, it certainly does not.

LUKE: Okay, this is ridiculous. How long are you going to let TJ think that he's the contractor?

LORELAI: To the very end, my friend.

LUKE: Oh, this is stupid! We have to tell him the truth!

LORELAI: No! Look how happy he is, strutting around in his tool belt and his shiny silver helmet. You know, he polishes that thing every night after work.

LUKE [not impressed]: Really.

LORELAI: Yes, really! With real silver polish. That's what he thinks silver polish is for. To polish anything that's silver. I think that's adorable.

TOM: And the good news is he's got terrible instincts. But he combines that with absolutely zero follow through, so it all works out in the end.

LORELAI: Huh? Terrible instincts but zero follow through. All the qualities you want in a good pretend contractor.

LUKE: But we're paying TJ a contractor's salary to do a job that he's not actually doing. And you're paying Tom an extra ten percent to pretend he's not doing a job that TJ thinks he's doing but Tom is actually doing. You should hire Blake Edwards as your contractor.

TOM: Oh no. TJ's playing with the circular saw. [He runs over.]

LUKE: Oh, man.

LORELAI: Eh, Tom'll get to him before he finds the on switch.

LUKE: We're going to tell him.

LORELAI: Luke, he is your brother-in-law.

LUKE [sighs]: Just because Liz married him.

LORELAI: Yeah, but this makes him happy. Which makes Liz happy, which will make you happy, which will me happy.

LUKE: Well, just so you know, I'm going to oversee this entire thing. Okay? I'm going to make sure TJ doesn't blow the house up.

LORELAI: And I appreciate that. Now will you please go make the guys an extra pot of coffee? I'm going to go to Babette's and take a shower.

LUKE: Why? Your shower's working.

LORELAI: Oh, well, yeah. We just had a little incident here yesterday.

LUKE: What kind of an incident?

LORELAI [hesitant]: Nothing big. Some of the guys saw me naked.

LUKE: What?

LORELAI: It's no big thing!

LUKE: How the hell did a couple of guys see you naked?

LORELAI: Well, I was getting out of the shower, and Joe -

LUKE: Joe? Joe saw you naked?

LORELAI: And Pete.

LUKE: Pete?

LORELAI: Well, Pete was with Joe, and then Slim -

LUKE: Slim saw you naked!

LORELAI: Well, I could see him, so I assume he could see me. Billy had the best view. Just a straight shot right down Main Street.

LUKE: So four guys saw you naked.

LORELAI: Well, if you don't count Teddy, then yes.

LUKE: What in the hell were those guys doing up there in the first place?

LORELAI: TJ accidentally sent them up.

LUKE [glares over at TJ]: I'm going to kill him.

LORELAI: Luke, it was no big deal. Please. We all laughed about it. Look, from now on I'm showering at Babette's, so show's over. No one sees the goods but you. Okay?

[She kisses him and walks over to Babette's. Norman, the construction worker, watches her go, then pats Luke on the back and grins approvingly.]

LORELAI'S HOUSE - OUTSIDE
[Lorelai walks up to Luke and Tom, standing near the steps.]

LORELAI: Talking about how pretty I am again? Oh, get a new subject, boys.

LUKE: What are you doing home?

LORELAI: Well, I have to be at the inn late tonight so I thought I'd come feed Paul Anka, take him for a little walk, work out our crosswalk issues.

LUKE: Well, Tom here was just telling me -

TOM: It's not my fault!

LUKE: I wasn't going to say it was your fault.

TOM: Well, you've got that 'it's Tom's fault' tone in your voice.

LUKE: He's got to shut your water off for a couple of days.

TOM: We hit a pipe that shouldn't have been hit.

LORELAI: Tom!

TOM: Eh? See how fast the 'it's Tom's fault' tone is spread? [He walks away.]

LUKE: You can stay with me.

LORELAI: Okay. Well, I've got to get back to work. That wedding party's coming in tonight.

LUKE: I'll gather up some of your stuff.

LORELAI: Last time you gathered up some of my stuff you accidentally brought me four bras and no pants.

LUKE: That could have been intentional.

LORELAI: I will get my own stuff, thank you. [She starts to head inside, then turns back.] Oh, now I just have to figure out what to do with Paul Anka. You know, I've never left him alone so late before, and he might start doing that howling thing the neighbors are so fond of. But, oh, that's okay. So. Oh, you know, I guess I could just leave him here and I could come back and get him after work, which will be, oh, two, three, four in the morning. Boy. Late. Or I could drop him off at a kennel for a few hours. I know there's a good one in Woodbridge, twenty miles away. Of course, I'd have to leave now and pick up some dilithium crystals on the way, to fix the warp drive in my Jeep so that I could drive there and back in time to meet the wedding party back at the inn, but that's doable. Yeah. And then of course by the time I get off work and drive all the way back there, the kennel will definitely be closed, so I'd have to break in, and that would set off some kind of security system, and then I'd be arrested, so I should probably put a nail file in my shoe, and how much longer are you going to make me do this?

LUKE: I just wanted to see how long you'd go on.

LORELAI: Well, you know my babbling capabilities are infinite.

LUKE: I'll take the dog home with me, and points for the dilithium crystal reference.

LORELAI: Well, you sleep with geeks.

[TJ appears behind them. He sets down a bunch of bags of takeout. He doesn't look happy.]

TJ: Hey. I just talked to my buddy Tony Benzinos, a contractor over in Hartford, and he said contractors don't fetch lunches for the crew! They do however, get to answer the phone and they do get to sign for things and order things and Tom! There is no such thing as a Mystic Hammer! And after this very enlightening conversation, you know what I'm starting to think?

LORELAI: What?

TJ: I'm starting to think that I'm not really the contractor on this job!

LUKE: Look, TJ -

TOM: It's okay, Luke. I got this. TJ, we did this for your own good. We got you out of the house, you got paid, you didn't get hurt, look at it that way.

TJ: Oh yeah? That the way I'm supposed to look at it? Well, fine! You can keep your stupid phony contracting job! [He distributes the bags of food to the workers.] I'm through playing your patsy. I'm through running your errands. Hold on, that's no mayo. Here, Red. [He switches lunch bags.] I'm done! I quit! You can all kiss any part of me that reaches your general vicinity first! You have seen the last of me! So arrivederci, Roma! [He throws down the last bag.] And to repay you all for this lousy trick that you played on me, you can all reach in here and grab your own damn condiments! [He storms off.]

TOM: That's dinner!

LUKE'S APARTMENT
[Luke wakes up and takes his arm back from a still-sleeping Lorelai, gets up and pours himself a glass of water. Lorelai, waking up, reaches over for him and wakes up when he's not there. She sees him over at the sink.]

LORELAI: Hey.

LUKE: Hey. Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. Go back to sleep.

LORELAI: No, it's okay. I like to watch you hydrate.

LUKE: Oh, man. When did you get home? I didn't hear you come in.

LORELAI: Yeah, you were conked out pretty good.

LUKE: Oh, yeah.

LORELAI: Both of you.

LUKE: Yeah.

LORELAI: How did it go with Paul Anka last night?

LUKE: Well, first off, he ate three pounds of unsweetened baking chocolate, so I had to rush him to the vet. [Lorelai looks worried.] To his house, because the animal hospital was closed. And he forced some sort of vomit-inducing medicine down Paul Anka's throat, and then Paul Anka proceeded to throw up for the next hour and a half. After that, I sat with him for another three hours, holding a bowl of water under his nose making sure he was re-hydrating properly. [Lorelai looks at him adoringly.] And then I chocolate-proofed the apartment and the diner, make sure that never happens again, and now I'm going to go downstairs and make Paul Anka some scrambled eggs, because the vet said that the kibble's going to be a little hard on his stomach for a couple days. Does he have any particular fear of cheddar? 'Cause I thought I'd throw that in to make it taste better.

LORELAI [thinks for a minute, then]: Luke.

LUKE: Yeah.

LORELAI: I don't want to set a wedding date until things are right with Rory.

LUKE [nods for a moment]: Okay.

[Lorelai sits up straight and sighs happily.]

LUKE: So, the cheddar is -

LORELAI: Okay.

[Luke smiles and heads down to the diner. Lorelai snuggles back into bed.]